"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
