She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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