Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
