i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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