i think my tv is drunk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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