dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
