So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
