i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
