This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
