At least make sure they are 18
Why
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
