Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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