I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
