i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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