im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
