Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
