omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
