I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
