my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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