I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
