i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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