I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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