dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
