I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
