It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
