does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
