Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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