my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
