you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
