I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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