Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize