Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
