i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
