i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
