I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize