Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
