can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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