Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
