You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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