If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
