well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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