Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
