When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
