'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
