I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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