i think my tv is drunk
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
