I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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