you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
