So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
