took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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