so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
40s are totally the cure
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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