I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
