break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
