2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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