I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
