omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
