your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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