In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
