My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
