good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
