Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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