Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
