Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
