I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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