He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
