She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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