but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you win again, gameday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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