She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
