I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
