I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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